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Judith Anderson
Judith Anderson,
Salamanders, and
Sylphs are
Spirits rare.
–Paracelsus
Judith Anderson
Had lots of fun
With Busyrane’s tricking
And knights who were pricking.
–William Oram
Leeds Barroll
Leeds Barroll
set a holiday carol,
using trombones with mutes,
cowbells, zithers, and lutes.
–Kenneth Gross
Leeds Barroll
At his peril
Began to compose
Atonal concertos.
–David Miller
(see also “Graham Hamill”)
Harry Berger, Jr.
Berger, Harry,
Made lunch for the Queene of Faerie.
She sighed "Alas!"
At the dish of pressed grass.
–Kenneth Gross
Harry Berger, Jr.
Felt punier and punier
When he contemplated
The overrated.
–David Miller
Harry Berger, Jr.,
Wrote things that were loonier
and little more blue
than anyone knew.
–Kenneth Gross
Harry Berger Junior
resisted the name senior.
So now at eighty-one
he is only out for fun.
–Beth Pittenger
Harry Berger
Proposed a merger
With Thomas Aquinas,
But was told by Aquinas, “You cannot combine us.”
–David Miller
For Harry:
There's something amiss
In the Bower of Bliss,
If this is a place
With nary a trace
Of a sexy Miss,
And everything's his[s].
–Cis[s]ie and Flos[s]ie
Thomas Cartelli
Thomas Cartelli
Dined on mint jelly
While serenading the lambs
With tasteful iambs.
–David Miller
Jeff Dolven
Jeff Dolven
Trying to solve an
Equation differentially
Failed exponentially.
–David Miller
Jeff Dolven
was once asked by a troll, "Ven
do vee shtart haffing fun?"
Then up came the sun.
–Kenneth Gross
Jeff Dolven
Told his Moll. Venn
Diagrams will show
Where the money stole has to go.
–Marshall Grossman
Jeff Dolven's
head is revolvin'
trying to recall
that night with the troll.
–Jeff Dolven
Catherine Eggert
Catherine Eggert
Complained that her leg hurt
After dancing all night
In a wild Bacchic rite.
–David Miller
Lynn Enterline
Lynn Enterline
fell into a silver mine,
but found time to remark
on the state of the dark.
–Kenneth Gross
Lynn Enterline
Bent her tine
Jabbing her Ovid with a fork
But using a bit too much torque.
–Marshall Grossman
Lynn Enterline
Cracks the spine
Of a book an hour
She reads with such power.
–David Miller
Lynn Enterline
Wouldn't cross the centerline
Fearing an old tutor with a pandybat
Might take notice of a stunt like that.
–Marshall Grossman
Peter Erickson
Peter Erickson
Loved to put the muslim clerics on.
He told them that the Mujahideen
Are Catholics in The Faerie Queene.
–David Miller
Jay Farness
Jay Farness
In harness
Is worth ten
Lesser men.
–David Miller
Valerie Forman
Valerie Forman
Got past the doorman
By pretending to be
Mrs. Muntz in 3C.
–David Miller
Brad Greenburg
Brad Greenberg &
Mary Steenburgen
Both like Ted Danson,
But Brad keeps his pants on.
–David Miller
Brad Greenberg? Brad GreenbUrg!
How oft is that “u” turned to an “e”?
Isn’t it U who always finds the finest wine on the list?
Shamed be he who has lays a hateful “e” on thee!
–Tom Cartelli
Roland Greene
Roland Greene
And the Faerie Queene
Met in a bar
But he didn’t get far.
–David Miller
Kenneth Gross
Kenneth Gross
Was otiose
When his muse
Made clerihews.
–David Miller
Kenneth was never so gross
As to turn Marcel Mauss
Into a clerihew
Without going berry blue.
–Harry Berger, Jr.
Kenneth Gross
took a big dose
of the hit of Shylock
with Shakespeare in drydock.
–Beth Pittenger
New form: compound clerihew
Kenneth A. Gross
Must suffer a loss
Of long O becauss
Most rhymes go with Grauss.
To rhyme Gross with dose
Is cutting it close
One would rather suppose
That Gross chimes with grows.
It rhymes well with knows
But never with foes
Nor with blows nor with doze
Nor with underclothes.
For when Kenny A. Gross
Speaks out and we hear it
His rhymes are not sounds
But the nuncios of spirit.
–Harry Berger, Jr.
Harry on Self-Hatred
I'm so embarrassed
To be so Gross.
Compare me to others. It isn't close.
Slower, more stupid, than other men,
Perpetually harassed
By mine own guilty ken.
–Harry Berger, Jr.
Marshall Grossman
Clerihalf:
Marshall Grossman
Bit the postman.
–David Miller
Completions:
Marshall Grossman
Bit the postman.
Had been hoping for a joke from Miller
Got a letter from a biller.
–Marshall Grossman
Now Marshall Grossman
locks jaws with the postman:
this infolding story
is getting gory.
–Jeff Dolven
Graham Hammill
Graham Hammill
Rode on a Camel
Into Leeds with a barrel
Of ale for Leeds Barrol
–Marshall Grossman
Graham Hammill
Rode a camel
All the way
To MLA.
–David Miller
John Hollander (in absentia)
John Hollander
Used his hat for a collander.
When asked to explain
He did it again.
–David Miller
Heather James
Heather James
Made preposterous claims
About some west coast University
Pretending to be USC.
–David Miller
Heather James (goddess! nymph!) is our theme today
For teasing Troy to life out of Shakespeare’s plays.
Folgered in by Latin and Chinese books on sabbatical,
She dog-walks her dog in the shoals of the Capitol.
–Thomas Cartelli
Ann Rosalind Jones & Peter Stallybrass
Ann Rosalind
Never sinned
When making a pass
At Stallybrass.
–David Miller
Stallybrass Peter
preparing to teeter
Atop a tall terrible hill
Has devoured his carbs and krill
Yet dillies and dallies
Adown among valleys
Of placid Northampon
Unable to clamp on one crampon.
Whilst poor Annie Jones
Shrieks matutinal groans
For he eats off a doily
And gets up too oily
Then dillies and dallies and reads about Rove.
Her house always neater is
When Stallybrass Peter is
Off sharing brotherly loave.
–Harry Berger, Jr.
Eleanor Leach
Eleanor Leach
Attempted to teach
Intermediate Latin
To Hoosiers with hats on.
–David Miller
Jennifer Lewin
Jennifer Lewin
ran til she was blue in
the face,
yet kept her grace.
–Kenneth Gross
Jennifer Lewin
Got a shoe in
The door at Kentucky.
Wasn’t that lucky!
–David Miller
Joseph Loewenstein (in absentia)
Joseph Loewenstein
says it's not yours, it's mine,
simply by dint
of its being in print.
–Jeff Dolven
Kathleen Lynch
Kathleen Lynch
Would never pinch
A Shakespeare folio,
Starting a Folger imbroglio.
–Marshall Grossman
Catherine Gimelli Martin
Catherine Gimelli Martin
Kept worms in a carton.
She gave them a midterm
Just to watch 'em squirm.
–David Miller
David Lee Miller
David Miller
Stood up on a pillar
Provoking complaints
From the nearby saints.
–Kenneth Gross
David Miller
Had no use for Schiller,
His love sufficed
Only for Kleist.
–Kenneth Gross
David Lee Miller
doesn't opt for much filler
in the studies he writes
but he gets in some fights.
–Beth Pittenger
David Lee Miller
wanted a thriller
so he checked out a dame
though it wasn't really the same.
–Beth Pittenger
When he thinks "David Miller"
He lays hold of the tiller
And turns his ship's eyes
Toward the shores of the skies
And their heavenly pillar.
For Edmund well kens
That behind his dark lens
The muse meets with Miller
And not Phyllis Diller
–Harry Berger, Jr.
David Lee Miller
Was such a pillar
Of the community
They granted him impunity.
–David Miller
William Oram
Clerihalf by Kenneth Gross:
William Oram
Tried to gather a quorum
Completions:
William Oram
Gathered a quorum
& cried out “Hear, hear!”
To the foam on his beer.
–David Miller
William Oram
Tried to gather a quorum
Down at the forum
Where the philosophers bore 'em.
–Marshall Grossman
Stephen Orgel
Stephen Orgel,
flew up with a roar – gull,
owl, eagle, and jay,
getting out of his way.
–Kenneth Gross
Stephen Orgel
Sat wearing a snorkel
And fins in the bath
Just for a laugh.
–David Miller
Stephen Orghum
Ate some sorghum
Which made him gurgle
And shriek "my name's Urgle!"
–Harry Berger, Jr.
Lena Orlin
Lena Orlin
Took to trawlin
In the arcane archive
In search of cool jive.
–Marshall Grossman
Lena Cowen Orlin
Threw caution to the four winds
When she abandoned the SAA
For a career on Broadway.
–David Miller
Beth Pittenger
Beth Pittenger
Had her wit insured
By Lloyd's of London
In case she got punned on.
–David Miller
Beth Pittenger
Told Henry Kissinger,
Dr. Strangelove
Wore the same glove.
–David Miller
Lauren Silberman
Lauren Silberman
Never killed a man
With her gun.
Not even one.
–David Miller
Edmund Spenser
Edmund Spenser
breathed in the denser
airs of Eire,
stoking a peat fire.
–Kenneth Gross
Susanne Lindgren Wofford
Clerihalf:
Susanne Wofford
Graciously offered . . .
–David Miller
Completions:
Susanne Wofford
Graciously offered . . .
to share an epic simile
with her extended family.
–Kenneth Gross
Susanne Wofford
Graciously offered . . .
to share her flagon
with that enfolded dragon.
–Kenneth Gross
Susanne Wofford
Graciously offered . . .
to watch Arthur's helmet
while he had a cigarette.
–Jeff Dolven
Susanne Wofford
Got totally boffered
And turned a red cherry hue
When asked for her clerihew.
–Harry Berger, Jr.
Susan Zimmerman
Susan Zimmerman
Brought a hedge-trimmer in.
She told her colleagues
Their prose was prolix.
–David Miller
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